Dear spiritual training diary,
I'm slowly getting back to my strong self. It's wierd, first I was missing to train so much, then at the third week of sickness, in the fever and sleep, I found some kind of calm contentment. Rest I would call it. I slowed down. And then when I started to move I got dizzy, felt weak. Which lead to having to move with much more caution than I usually do. I am not used to feeling fragile.
I havn't written as much as i wanted. It is so a practice that needs practicing, that needs rutine. I'm workin on it. I have though, been totally up in different physical practices. Resisting writing cuase the moment needed my attention. But I'm doing this diary cause I want to think and write about what I experience, in order to practice listening to and reformulate that what I feel and do and learn. Maybe also to keep track of my journey ;)
It is difficult.
I don't know if it's useful. Improvising, storing the knowledge in my body, through doing and talking seems to do the trick. But I long for yet another angle.
This has happend since last time I wrote.
1. I took a 6-hours-a-day contact improvisation workshop. Still weak after sickness. Dizzy when tumbling around. Techniques of how to listen, follow, take initiative from following, without prestige. Nowness total. yet also a lot of daydreaming. I enjoyed the dramaturgy of the day, very stroking us the right way. First 1,5 hour warmup with your own body. Lead in gentle release movement ( a bit the 90ies called and wanted it's modern dance back, but so sweet!), slowly doing movements, swingy, weight etc. A lot of meditating over your body, and, time for daydreaming. Letting my thoughts float around body and room. Very useful for me. Going from the sickness stillness and calm mind, into action, slowly without loosing the calm.
Then the afternoon with no break but waves of activity, from resting together to being active in a action followingleading. It was a lot of fun.
The reminder of that my knowledge and my dancing is different with every person I dance with. Ever adaptive. Ever only me.
2. I have started a new hobby. BRAZILIAN JUI JUITSU. I AM SO IN LOVE. It's totally excillirating to again train in a community that meets every night, do their thing, has fun with it, sweats with it, struggles, learn together, laughs. The shower and exhaused walking home in the cold autumn nights, still hot blood pumping through the body. Happiness for me. After training I feel relaxed, happy, tired, energetic, strong and inspired. Thirsty.
More of this later.
Now I'm going out running around the lake.
Dear spiritual training diary,
it's 06.00 in the morning, dark and rainy. I've been sleeping all the time, different times, as much as possible. To get healthy. I guess I came to sleep's end now. I'm still sick.
But no fever. Yey! Had lot's of interresting vivid fever dreams though. Miss them.
I daydream about training. When I sleep the fever off I sweat and wake up cold and wet. I change t-shirt and sleep some more. I watched the UFC gala in Globen on my computer at home. And a sort of documentary about the fighters. They did really fun excercises, and I appriciated how the seemed to do lots of stuff as parners, like together, strenght stuff and such. Seems like a beautiful other side coin. Fighting against eachother, training with eachother, a playfullness of a . Either way the niceness of it is in the conversation with another.
Last week, before I got sick again, I took two danceclasses with Rasmus. I was so happy to be dancing and moving, to be engaging with perception, awareness, coordination, playing with timing etc. I remembered how good I am at dancing.
There was some notes I made in my head, something like
everything, everywhere, all the time
earthing: my feet are also part of the earth
nonchalans as playfulness
Now I will sleep some more